Scutt in the city.

Toronto is a sad, scary town. I am now a full time employee by two companies, one by day and one by night. Marketing/branding monday to friday, bartending 5 nights a week. I Assume it will only be a matter of time till I collapse, after burning the candle at both ends, but this is more familiar to me. I like to stay busy and I like to stay challenged...if I don't, I go bananas.

Here is what my first day of work was like:

Wake up at 545. "yaaawwwwwnn" stretch. Peer out window. HOLY SHIT its pitch black out! Depression ensues. I manage to get myself together and ran for the train. Seating was sparce but I saw both an empty chair and some guy I went to Laurier with. I hid from him on the GO since I loathe small talk and it was only 630am. I will not be fully waking up for at least another hour.

Once in Toronto, I had to figure out the sub lines. Hmmmm, the yonge line looks promising. I was unsure of where my work was and decided that if I picked a line where the names were fun to say..I would surely end up somewhere magical. Upon studying the map, I was approached by a bum. This is not foriegn to anyone who has visited toronto at least once. He asked everyone for change, albeit aware of the rhertoric nature of the question. But when he came towards me, I hestiated before saying no. He then proceeded to yell at me saying, "WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO FUCKING HEARTLESS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?" concluding with a minor shove and walking away to pester the other angry commuters.

I was appalled by the assault. they must be able to smell my vulnerability.

Shaking it off, I got lost, caught in a rain storm and then lost my shoe in the Younge and bloor intersection while crossing. Thus far, toronto and I arent getting along.

Quick trip back and shoe is back on right foot. Right foot has now touched toronto street w/o sock therfore right foot must be removed as I am now weary of a severe infection. I didnt need that foot anyway.

work was long and caffinated. I leave work anxiously and run to the subway again, avoiding the magical train that got me lost the first time. People are cutting me off at the pass and one even glared at me for not running fast enough. I look at her with "im sorry" eyes but she is long gone. Back on the GO, I feel safe. I am en route to burlington where everyone has kids, a nice house and manners.

I am now totally unsure why I agreed to work in downtown toronto. Everyone is so jaded and angry. How can I survive in a town where its taboo to talk to strangers, doors are slammed in your face and homeless people physically assault you? Maybe suburbia isn't so bad.

After my metropolis day, I reflected. Perhaps seeing the way people work in Toronto will make me more aware of how I dont want to become. I will be more apt to consciously smile at people and hold open the door for someone running to the TTC. When I get a good reaction for my good deed from the stranger, it affects me more in toronto than it ever did when I was good deeding in my quiet little city. If a few more people did small, nice gestures in toronto, everyone would probably be a little less jaded.

I will aim to be the toronto do-gooder. If not for the sanity of others, for my own.