transistion: the longest possible route to get here was taken.

Derek...note to the kids...don't headbutt the fridge, its made of metal says:
i think u overthink some things

you can change your style, but I dont think you can 'fake' your style... says:
I think I overthink everything

you can change your style, but I dont think you can 'fake' your style... says:
it used to be a fault of mine..I now think of it as a strength. I like it, keeps me constantly evaluating and deciding if I am happy

Derek...note to the kids...don't headbutt the fridge, its made of metal says:
fair enough

Derek...note to the kids...don't headbutt the fridge, its made of metal says:
But scutt, you do set very high standards of being happy

you can change your style, but I dont think you can 'fake' your style... says:
I do?

you can change your style, but I dont think you can 'fake' your style... says:
*(points to self in surprise)*


Yes, I do.

But is there actually anything wrong with that? Why shouldn't I set high expectations? I am always reevaluating my life to determine if I am satisfied..and right now a possible future lack of satisfaction is glaring me in the face.

Its september. The leaves are coloured and I am not in school for the first time in 21 years. I feel displaced and uneasy. I feel like any moment some gigantic robot is going to come and tell me my fate, which is to find myself a nice little 9-5 job and stare at the dilbert comics in my cubicle. I feel like if I take a step like that right now, I will look at myself when I am 35 and say.."fuck! I really blew those years, I wish that robot has just thrust its metal knife fingers into my heart instead of directing me here. Because now, NOW I am not happy...and I was told when I was 23 that I analyze things too much and to not set such high standards for happiness."

but the inherit problem in this mentality, is that I already know what happy feels like. My standards are already set. You see. Im not waiting to get happy...I am happy. Its more an issue of will this continue on..or will I start to slowly drift downhill unaware of my descent until its too late.

Now, RIGHT NOW, this is when you realize that you do, in fact, analyze too much..and that derek was probably right and you should send him a cheese basket for giving you inspiration to write this and also having an epiphany mid-sentence. He really is a fucking sorcerer.

So, I will go on and casually look for happy-related opportunities. A possible lack of future satisfaction is a valid fear, but how much time can you devote to thinking and worrying about that before you crumble and move to asia? You just gotta constantly reinvent yourself in this whiteboard of a transistion and hope like hell the robots can't find you.