christmashate?

it is christmas time. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I despise it. So its rather funny that this year I am surrounded by christmas yule tidings to the extreme (some self-inflicted):

1) my landlord decorated my entire building with lights around november 1st, and upon realizing that THAT wasnt enough, he moved inside and flooded the lobby with trees and tacky garland. ugh.

2) I work in a popular bar. So unlike mortys pub, we actually get a lot of christmas parties in which I am required to serve at, wearing a ponsettia hat. (well, not really)

3) I thought it would be amusing to buy a christmas cardigan. You know the one your grade 2 teacher wore with pride alongside her singing broche and high waisted pants? My christmas sweater is the breast.

but now, NOW I want to actually wear my christmas sweater out and about to enhance my mood and it makes me smile when I walk down to my house at night, witnessing the only decorated building as mine on gloucester. I asked my friend to go skating in Nathan Phillips Square with me before the lights came down (and also as an opportunity to see him making a fool of himself). And today we are going shopping for needy kids toys. Which leads me to think.....Do I really hate Christmas anymore?

Matthew Good Band's hit LP "beautiful Midnight" was the sole reason I think I started to hate Christmas. I guess one could say that a certain blonde girl was a bit dramatic and depressed during her teens and thought that his societal message about "christmas is for shopping and the shopping god is everything" was really powerful? I dont actually remember anymore. But regardless, the message was clear; christmas makes spoiled kids more spoiled, poor kids way more sad (and probably a little more poor) and karens more angsty. I offically hated christmas.

Jump to 2006, and this year I get to watch 6 little muffins open gifts in eager anticipation on December 25th. And for about 4 years now, I can legally buy and consume alcohol in copious amounts which means I get loaded and scream WHO wants to play euchre?, on X mas nite. Also, and most importantly, I get spend some of the money I save by NOT buying family gifts (since we banned that abut 3 years ago) on children and charities who need it more than me. I get to pick out all the toys I would have wanted as a kid and give them to someone who might need it. This Christmas is shaping up to be pretty wicked.

Maybe Christmas is for Shopping Matthew. And perhaps that God is everything. But I forgot one vital piece of information when I decided I was going to boycott Christmas with you: I really fucking like to shop.

no tech scutt (meets kate) in the city.

This weekend was a special one for it was the culmination of my being: Kate, a bff for a while now, came to see me in my new home.

We frolicked and laughed. We went shopping for two days and poked fun at the funny store names. "We sell fun fun fun!" and "Not just condoms; adult stuff too!" were among the many. We made fun of dog statues in windows and she would anxiously giggle whenever a bum asked her for money. Some of us got entirely too drunk at house warming parties and said things (said? YELLED things) we shouldn't have. But in the end, Kate was a little more homophobic, and I, a little less lonely.

SMALL aside: It is niether cute NOR playful to have a girlie fight in bed. For all those men out there who deem it to be sexy when two girls roll around and fight each other in between laughter, you are wrong. We managed to pull it off without grace, class or sexyiness. SO get it out of your gutter minds.

Also, I am noticing how easy it is to live when you dont have internet and cable. Television and constant access to internet (read: being on msn 14 hours a day but firmly set to "away") is a huge part of our lives, but now that I am forced to live without it, I am getting a fuck load more done. I dont cater my world to this seasons "oc" or "greys" (since they both suck anyways) and I dont have to validate how popular I am anymore with missed messages from my online status (but really I was cleverly out and about all day). I already know I am unpopular, so msn was merely reinteriating that fact as my missed msgs were conspicious with there absence. msn depressed me.

So, what does one do without technology at their fingertips? Well, they try and learn guitar. They paint canvases when high, only to decide later on that they are garbage when sober. And they walk around, preferably with tallbrunettepale men. They get exercise and make friends and go for coffee. Socializing in person is far more stellar than cyberly since sarcasm is way too hard to read in a comic sans font.

You out there.. get off your msn; stop reading this blog(laura! and/or scott southward and or anyone else who reads this) and go find some cool shit to do...or study.

You both should probably study too.

my internet (cafe)

I often forget that internet isnt free. And when you have your own place its hard to justify spending 30 dollars a month on something that you use for the purpose of talking on msn (which I am starting to loathe),posting blogs that no one cares about and checking your email every 4 hours. I mean really, how many of you are using the internet for reallll educational purposes and efficient activities? Not many, since I know a vast majority of you are DONE school!!!

So, I decide that paying 1 dollar every half an hour and having an asian font dominate the desktop is worth it. Which loosely means, I am going to fully utilize the internet cafe across the street. PLus, it is telling me to eat at "The Biblim KoreanBBQ!! Yummi's for your TUMMIS!@!..." (I dont ever have the heart to tell them that yummi is not spelt that way in Canada.)

Right now the timer at the top is counting on and I realize that I am wasting precious cents and dollars writing about the fact that this is cafe is costing me precious cents and dollars. BUT not as much as rogers high speed at home will cost. Muh ha ha ha! You really can live cheap in toronto, if you want it bad enough. Or in the case for msn accessibility, not bad enough.

Time is up: in three, two, o..

bloggin' mistakes.

so I lied.

I had a momentary lapse in bloggin' judgment and really shouldnt have divuldged all that schmoopy-ness on the internet.
I am also now going to refer to it as "bloggin'" and try to start up a more gansta homie approach to this whole thing, to balance out the clicheness that was my last posting.

anyways, I lied.

I want to do it. I want the work. As a certain asian would say,

"if you have to fall, love is one of the best places to fall into. right before pillows, marshmallows, feathers.."

the end.

it is time?

Time to use this "blog" for its intended purpose. And what's that purpose you say? It is sad, angsty talk about love or a possible love.

Oh...I see. you thought blogs were just a way to get your story out there. present different viewpoints and opinions to the mass that is the world wide web and hope to god someone picks up what your laying down. (and thus, leaves a comment to validate yourself)

Well you were wrrrrrrong. Blogs are for expressing feelings and talking about the one that got away and how you wake up everyday and try to drown yourself in your honey-o's for letting him/her go. Or at least that is what I am getting from reading a majority of them..and they seem to be doing well. But I held off about 25 entries before I wrote about this "topic" so I feel I am warranted this!

its kind of like I dont really know how I feel about us until I am confronted with a situation in which I am going to lose you. Okay, so it sounds typical right? No one realizes how they feel and what they COULD potential lose till its almost gone. Sure. I guess. We have all felt this way. But I think this is more about that fact that you arent going to stick around and niether am I, so really, I am just delaying the inevitable and procrastinating decision time. You and I WANT to work...but neither of us want to put in the work, like at all.

How fucked up is that? to think you want someone sooo bad and are pretty sure they want you too, yet you both decided to not work on it, stay cool and talk every 2 weeks. Meanwhile you are having flirtatious, yet innocent, romps with your new band friend and he is going on dates with sassy brunettes. I can barely wrap my head around it because I know society would clearly tell us to stop being so difficult and consumate already. Its too bad cause we could probably be really great, but we somehow, dont want it. Meanwhile, I am going nuts thinking about you with other women...while concurrently telling you that I want us to not be monogamous. Really. I think I am in love with you...oh but lets stay apart, its more fun that way.

We both have issues..and I decided I dont want to overcome them with you. its going to be too much fucking work.